During my 24-plus year career as both a divorce litigator and divorce mediator I have had many clients want to litigate an issue or take a position on an issue because they feel they are “right” or that other party has behaved immorally and, therefore shouldn’t be entitled to something that the law permits. For example, I have had numerous clients express that to me they feel the other parent shouldn’t have custody of their children because they had an affair with someone. Additionally, whether it’s the spouse engaging in a relationship with the person whom they had an affair with, or whether it’s a spouse becoming involved in a new relationship after separation, I’ve had many clients express that the spouse’s parenting time should either be only with the spouse with no contact with the new love interest or that the children’s contact with the new love interest should be limited when they are with the spouse. When I’ve explained to them that the courts typically don’t look to a fault-based system of divorce (adultery, living with someone outside of marriage, etc.) but they usually don’t care about what caused the divorce, unless it’s domestic violence or significant alcohol/drug abuse, and that the policy of the law favors joint custodial arrangements for both parents, they become very upset and will often try to push for sole custody regardless. It’s in these situations, where the clients are litigating or trying to negotiate based on principle or what they feel is morally right that gets them into trouble and/or causes the most costly, lengthy, difficult court hearings to occur. Whether you’re involved in courtroom litigation or trying to negotiate a settlement in mediation sessions, you should not base your position solely upon principle or on what you feel is “right.” Often times, what you might think is right conflicts directly with what the law permits or requires. Digging your heals in and entrenching yourself in a position where you won’t budge not only causes more cost and litigation or more negotiation and discussion in mediation, but it often will come back against you with the Judge or Mediator and make you appear to be unreasonable and unwilling to look beyond your own selfish desires to do what’s best for your children or for your financial well-being. As a mediator, one of my significant tasks is to help a couple take a step back from the reasons why their relationship broke down, take a step away from the principle of things or right vs. wrong comparisons, and work towards a reasonable, fair resolution of each and every issue in their case. If you would like to know more about mediation can help you avoid the pitfalls of litigating/negotiating based on principle, call me for a free initial consultation at (949) 649-4246 or check out our website at cadivorcemediationcenter.com.