One of the biggest misconceptions about divorce litigation is that it is a more aggressive process or assertive process than mediation that provides parties to litigation with a better opportunity to achieve a more advantageous result in their case. I have had countless clients, both in litigation and mediation, who have shared with me that they have family members and/or close friends who have encouraged them to go find the most aggressive attorney possible in order to “stick it” to their spouse or to “take them to the cleaners.” However, way more often than not, a person who pursues this “aggressive litigation” tactic finds themself headed down a destructive path that leads to a nightmare divorce rather than the “big win” that is believed comes from aggressive litigation. In fact, in choosing litigation, most parties are unwittingly giving up a tremendous amount of control over their case and outcome to attorneys and/or judges who may not really care or have their best interests at heart.
The perception that people who choose mediation are weaker and more inclined to “caving in” or compromising what they believe in is, as a practical matter, completely untrue. On the contrary, mediation is a process where the parties are the primary participants in their case and maintain control over their priorities and key issues. With the assistance of a mediator, who works to understand your issues as much as possible, the parties have a legitimate platform to articulate fully their key issues, what they want, and why. The mediator treats both parties as having valid perceptions and needs and doesn’t have to choose one party over the other. The feeling of being heard, having control, and having major input into your settlement is extremely empowering and leads to a better long-term post-divorce life.